Charity Week
by cofcgirl
Summary: Everyone is surprised when Dumbledore announces that Hogwarts will be hosting a Charity Week. But what will Remus and Sirius do when their housemates decide that the best way to earn money is to auction off dates with the sixth and seventh years? Slash.
1. The Big Announcement

A/N: Hello, everyone! Terribly sorry I haven't updated anything in so long, but I've been somewhat distracted…not to mention the fact that I just didn't feel like writing anything. Anyway, I'm feeling inspired right now (and considering the fact that I'm supposed to be doing homework, that's not really a good thing), so here's my latest attempt at Remus/Sirius slash. If you don't like it, too bad. If you, for some insane reason think that Remus and Tonks should be together, I have to say that you have lost your mind and I will be glad to prey for your sanity.

Oh, and I'm not JKR (if I were, Sirius would still be around, and Remus wouldn't be caught dead holding Tonks' hand.). So no, I don't own anything.

Chapter One

The Big Announcement

Sirius groaned in frustration as he was abruptly pulled from his truly wonderful dream by a thoroughly over-excited idiot who happened to be his best friend. "Prongs, how the fucking hell can you be so- so bloody _cheerful_ at this unholy hour? And _why _did you have to sit on me, you stupid git?"

James, however, wasn't deterred by his friend's less-than-enthusiastic attitude. Rather, he continued his usual morning routine, bounding around the sunlight-brightened dormitory with a level of energy that the other Marauders swore was unnatural. "Sirius, this is not an 'unholy' hour, it's nearly eight – breakfast will be over in twenty minutes. And as for sitting on you, well, how else was I supposed to wake you up? You sleep like a bloody _rock_ mate."

"Remus never has any trouble getting me up," Sirius pointed out, as he pulled on his robes, having decided that it wouldn't do to piss McGonagall off by showing up late for Transfiguration for the third week in a row. Thinking of Remus reminded him of the dream he'd been robbed of, and he realized that he still had a certain _problem_ that needed to be fixed. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time for a shower, so Sirius would just have to hope that his robes covered him properly. He'd just get Remus to help him take care of it after class…

James once again interrupted Sirius' thoughts of his decidedly sexy boyfriend, saying, "Yeah, well, I'm not _about _to do whatever it is Moony does to get you 'up'."

"Are you sure, Jamie?" Sirius said in a falsely high voice, batting his eyes mockingly. "I'm sure Remus wouldn't mind you joining in, since Evans won't give you the time of day."

"Oh shut up, you git," James mumbled with a blush, grabbing a pillow off his bed and tossing it at Sirius, before heading towards the door. Sirius laughed, dodging the pillow and following his friend out the door.

Minutes later, Sirius was seated in the Great Hall next to Remus and across from James and Peter. He kissed Remus on the cheek in greeting (causing Remus to blush in an absolutely delightful way, and James and Peter to both pretend to be sick) before filling his plate with food. Sirius had only just started on his breakfast when Professor Dumbledore stood up, calling for everyone's attention. The Hall gradually quieted, as everyone at the four house tables turned to listen to what the Headmaster had to say.

Dumbledore smiled when he had his students' attention. "Good morning, everyone. It has been brought to my attention that in these difficult times, there are many people who have in need, witches and wizards who are much worse off than we are here. The staff and I have decided that it is high time our students do something to help. Therefore, I am announcing the beginning of Hogwarts' first ever Charity Week."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, looking at his friends in confusion. Charity Week? He wondered what Dumbledore had planned.

"Each house will be given a wizarding charity that they will be required to raise money for," Dumbledore explained. "Throughout this week, the sixth and seventh years from each house will conduct at least one event either here or in Hogsmeade that will raise money for your assigned charity. One week from today, the galleons you have raised will be counted and presented to representatives from the charities we have chosen. Also, the house that collects the most money will win fifty points. Your Heads of House will explain further. I trust that everyone will work hard to help these worthy groups." With a nod of approval, Dumbledore sat down, and everyone began talking at once.

"Well this is new," Remus commented. "I wonder which group we've got to raise money for."

"I guess McGonagall will tell us," Sirius stated as the four of them left the hall, making their way to her class.

"Quiet, everyone," McGonagall said, as soon as she'd shut the door to her classroom. "Mr. Potter, do stop staring at Miss Evans, and keep both hands where I can see them, Mr. Black."

Sirius removed his right hand fromwhere it had been making its way upRemus'leg and placed it on the desk, smiling innocently at Professor McGonagall as she reached the front of the room. She ignored him.

"Now, as the Headmaster informed you this morning, the sixth and seventh years of each house will be hosting a Charity Week, beginning today and ending next Monday," McGonagall said, glancing around at her students. "I expect you to meet with the seventh years tonight and decide on what sort of event you wish to host. Keep in mind that the event must be open to the entire school, not merely your own housemates. Are there any questions?"

"Which charity will we be donating to?" asked Lily Evans, her hand waving in the air.

Professor McGonagall tilted her head at the girl. "The funds you raise will go to the Lycan Society," she said, offering Remus a brief smile before turning to answer more questions. Remus smiled back in response.

"The Lycan Society? What do they do?" This was Lily's friend Alice, her long brown hair falling out of her hairclip as she spoke.

"They are a non-profit organization formed to help werewolves," McGonagall answered. She paused when this caused a good bit of surprised muttering from her students. "Their short-term goal is to get werewolves equal rights and representation within the Ministry. However, they are also the main force behind the research of possible cures."

Danielle White, Sirius' ex-girlfriend (Sirius was bisexual), raised her hand. "With all do respect, Professor, why do we have to give money to _that_ group? Werewolves are nothing but bloodthirsty monsters! Why should we help them?"

McGonagall turned to Danielle, an indignant expression on her face. "Miss White, let me make this clear. Whatever your ridiculous feelings about werewolves, you will do your part to raise money for this charity. Oh, and because of your disrespectful and derogatory comments, you have not only lost twenty points, but will be serving a detention with Mr. Filch tonight. I ask that you keep any prejudices out of my classroom."

A/N: Is it terrible? I promise the next chapter will be better – and possibly longer. Reviews will make me happy, which will result in sooner updates….


	2. Let's Have an Auction!

**A/N: **Hello again, everyone one! I hope you all like this chapter… But first, a reply to my reviewers!

**checkmarks: **Glad you like it…Danielle is stupid isn't she? Unfortunately, she's only going to get worse…

**Lara**: I'm glad you liked it.

**0mrsprongs0: **You can definitely punch Danielle.

**Keiko**: I'm glad you like the fic so far, although I disagree with you about McGonagall. She may not have been as harsh as I had her be, but I don't think I made her out of character…at least, not much. I could be wrong, I guess.

**Nina:** Thanks for saying my story is interesting.

**lizbennett: **Thanks so much for the – what did you say before? Kick-ass review? Anyway, your reviews always crack me up.

**rkom117: ** I'm not offended at all – I wasn't going to make Sirius bisexual (personally, I didn't think he came across as interested in girls at all in the books), but for plot reasons, I decided to do it. I hope you'll keep reading.

**thequeeneb:** This is definitely going to be an interesting charity event – hopefully I will continue to surprise people – assuming that's a good thing.

**chaeli.meep.: **I'm so glad you like this.

**AkiretheGoddess: **Thanks for reading this…and I agree. As much as I like Tonks, I just don't think she and Remus should be together.

**A Remus/Tonks Shipper: **I am neither thick, nor am I blind…like I said a second ago, I just don't think Remus and Tonks should be together. I apologize if I somehow offended you in my author's notes, and while you are certainly welcome to voice your opinion of my story, there's no need to be insulting.

**Actually omniscient: **I'm actually not planning on having Danielle's hatred of werewolves being very important to the story…I know it is kind of cliché, but oh well…Anyway, I'm glad you think the idea is so funny. I was inspired by a bit of fan art I saw a while back and just had to write this. Hopefully it'll work out the way I want it to.

And now, on with the story!

Chapter Two

Let's have an auction!

Later that night, the sixth and seventh year Gryffindor students gathered together in the common room, intending to decide what they should do for their charity event. Danielle was still in a bit of a snit over being told off by McGonagall – her detention wasn't for another hour, so she was still able to attend the meeting. She sat, sulking in an armchair as far away from the others as she could be and still hear what they were saying. Lily and Alice were sitting on the couch, talking to the four seventh year girls about classes, while the seventh year boys stood near them, discussing Quidditch tactics. The Marauders had yet to arrive.

Lily and Alice were just about to go looking for them, (not that Lily actually _wanted_ to find them, mind. She just wanted to get the meeting over with.) when the portrait opened to reveal James Potter, followed by Peter Pettigrew, who was hastily stuffing what looked like a piece of parchment inside his robes. James smiled, running his hand through his hair and said, "Hello, Evans!"

Lily rolled her eyes at Alice and dully said, "Hello Potter. Where are Black and Lupin? We've got a lot to decide, you know."

"Oh, they'll be here," James said, ignoring Lily's scowl and taking a seat in a chair next to her. Peter sat on the floor near him. "Remus had something, er, come up during dinner that he and Sirius had to take care of. They should be coming any minute now."

Peter snorted at James' choice of words.

"What could they have possibly needed to take care of?" Lily asked, eying the two of them skeptically.

Peter began laughing outright when James said, "Well, you see, Sirius was – shall we say – behaving 'badly' at the table tonight, and Remus had to, er, punish him."

"Punish him?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows in confusion. She didn't get what Potter was trying to say, and was becoming annoying by the amused expressions on his and Pettigrew's faces. "If Black was doing something wrong, why didn't Lupin just take points off or give him a detention?"

Even Alice, who'd been listening in, had to laugh at that. "Lily, are you dense? What Black probably did most likely wasn't something Lupin would want to punish with a _detention_, considering the nature of their relationship. If anything, he'd want to-"

But before Alice could properly explain just what Sirius and Remus had been doing, the last two Marauders came through the portrait whole. They strolled over to where their friends were sitting, arms wrapped around each others' waists, both of them wearing silly grins. Sirius slid into the last overstuffed chair beside James, and directly across from Lily, Alice, and the seventh year girls, all of whom were giggling at the two lovers. Remus looked around for a chair and seeing none, situated himself in Sirius' lap, trying to hide his blush. Sirius, however, grinned from ear to ear as he wrapped his arms possessively around Remus and pulled him close. No one saw Danielle scowling at the couple from across the room.

"So," Sirius said, "what are we talking about?"

"Well," Alice began, fighting down her chuckles. "We _were_ discussing your behavior at dinner, Black. Lily here was hoping you'd give her some pointers-"

At that, everyone laughed. Lily, who'd finally understood what James had been saying, blushed and hit Alice on the arm, exclaiming, "Oh, shut up, Alice! I did not!"

"Are you sure, Lily?" Sirius asked slyly. "You never know when you might need certain 'skills', you know. I'm sure James would enjoy-"

"Do be quiet Black," Lily said, trying to hide her blush. "I don't want to know anything you could teach me, and I certainly don't want to know anything about what _Potter_ might 'enjoy'."

"Yeah, Padfoot, leave Evans alone," James said, hoping to impress Lily by standing up for her – as if that ever worked.

"Quiet, Potter," Lily snapped irritably, rolling her eyes as he ran his hand through his hair _again_. Lily had to admit, though, that as annoying as he was, Potter could be quite endearing when he wasn't trying to impress her – which, unfortunately for him, was almost never.

"Yes dear," James said, smiling winningly. Alice chuckled at the two of them, thinking that Lily really ought to come to her senses and admit how she felt about the bloke.

"So," Alice said loudly, getting everyone else's attention. "Now that Black and Lupin have _finally _graced us with their presence, can we get this meeting over with?"

"Sure thing, Longbottom- I mean Prewett," joked Gabriel Matthews, a tall seventh year boy with short blonde hair, pail skin, and dark green eyes. He nudged the boy next to him, Alice's boyfriend Frank, who was also a seventh year. Frank had dark brown hair (is that what color hair he has? I can't remember.), blue eyes, and an annoyed expression on his face as he and his friends pulled chairs up and joined the circle. Danielle moved a little closer, but continued to glare at Sirius and Remus – or, more specifically, at Remus.

"Right then," Alice said, ignoring Gabriel. "Any ideas?"

"Whatever we do, it should be big," James said. "Something that everyone will want to come to. Maybe a talent contest or something?"

"This has to be something that we can all do, James, and not all of us have much talent," Remus said. Not to mention the fact that he didn't really like the idea of having to perform something in front of the entire school.

"Besides," Peter said, surprising everyone by speaking up – and disagreeing with James. "That sort of thing would take more than a few days to put together. People would need to practice, and how would we raise money for it?"

"But it's still a good idea," Sirius said, thinking. "If we can't do a talent show, it should definitely be something fun and entertaining."

"We could have an auction," Melissa Compton, one of the seventh year girls, suggested.

"That's an interesting idea," Frank said. "But we'd still have the same problem, wouldn't we? How would we get enough things to auction in time? We have to hold the event by Sunday night, and there aren't enough shops in Hogsmeade that we could ask for donations."

"Well," Lily began, running a hand through her hair in an unconscious imitation of James, "instead of auctioning off merchandise, we could put ourselves up for sale."

"What do you mean?" asked Danielle, speaking for the first time since she'd set foot in the common room. This sounded interesting.

"Muggles do it sometimes for charity," Lily said, explaining. "We could auction off free dates in Hogsmeade with ourselves."

"You mean you want people to bid on dates with us instead of prizes and things?" Remus asked frowning. He wasn't sure he liked that idea. "I suppose that would be easier. We'd just have to get the restaurants in Hogsmeade to give out gift certificates or something so the couples could eat free."

"Would we be able to bid on each other?" Sirius asked, tightening his grip on Remus. He didn't like the idea of his Remus going on a date with someone else, even if it was for charity.

"I don't see why not," Gabriel said, shrugging. "I mean, it's for charity, so why shouldn't we be able to participate in our own event?"

"Well, if you haven't already been auctioned off, you wouldn't be able to bid on a date with someone before you," Lily said. "But I'm sure the two of you will be able to deal with one night with someone else."

Remus kept Sirius from responding by squeezing his arm warningly and saying, "So are we definitely doing an auction?"

Everyone nodded in agreement, and Frank said, "I guess so."

Lily looked at her watch and said, "Guys, it's getting kind of late, why don't we get the details worked out tomorrow night? McGonagall just said we had to figure out what we were going to do tonight, right?"

The others nodded, and everyone agreed to meet at the same time the next night. While everyone else went up to their dormitories, Danielle left the common room, going to meet Filch for her detention. She walked slowly, thinking.

Ever since Sirius had dumped her the year before to go out with Lupin of all people, Danielle had tried everything she could think of to get him back. She'd even sunk as low as putting love potions in his drink at breakfast, but they'd never been quite strong enough to last more than an hour or so. Even the Polyjuice Potion she'd brewed the month before to make her look like that blasted prefect while kissing another guy hadn't worked. She still didn't know how her Sirius had figured it out.

But that was in the past. Danielle smirked as she realized that this auction could be her chance to get him back. All she had to do was make sure that she won a date with him…


	3. Attack of the Annoying Sluts

A/N: I can't believe it's taken me this long to update…I honestly don't have any excuses except that as usual, I've just been too lazy to write anything. At the moment, however, I've got plenty of time, and I'm feeling inspired. Hopefully ya'll will like what I've come up with. Oh, and the Slytherin in this chapter may not sound much like a Slytherin, but…well…he is. Very much so.

Chapter Three

"Hello Lupin," a deep, smooth voice purred from behind Remus. Not even bothering to look up from his Care of Magical Creatures essay, the werewolf dropped his quill onto the parchment in front of him and brought his hands up to his temples, trying to massage away the headache he could feel coming on. Ever since Dumbledore had announced the charity events the houses would be hosting two days ago, many of the sixth and seventh year Gryffindors had been suffering through being hit on by members of the other houses – as if being propositioned before the auction could have any effect on who won dates with them. Normally, this wouldn't have been much of a problem for Remus, as Sirius' death glares tended to scare most of Remus' would-be suitors off. Unfortunately, Sirius wasn't in the library at the moment, and this particular person was very persistent.

"Hello Lestrange," Remus drawled barely sparing the burly seventh year Slytherin a glance before returning to his homework. "If you don't mind, I'm rather busy at the moment…"

"Oh, I don't mind at all," Lestrange said as he slid into the seat next to Remus, pushing the books Remus had gathered for his research off to the side of the desk and out of the other boy's reach. "Besides, it looks to me like you could use a break, and I'm sure that what I've got to say is much more interesting than _homework_."

Remus growled in annoyance and stood up, gathering the books and parchment into his arms. He moved to another desk, saying, "Actually, _I'm _sure that nothing you've got to say could possibly interest me. Now would you please leave me alone? I need to finish this essay before Friday, and I don't have a lot of time."

"Well, if you'd like, I'd be more than happy to help you with it," Lestrange responded as he followed Remus and once again took the other chair, taking care to move it as close to Remus as he possibly could. "That way, we'll be able to have a nice little chat while we work."

Remus sighed, scooting his chair a little to the left to create more room between him and the incredibly dense pile of dragon dung sitting next to him. "Alright," Remus growled. "I'll hear you out. But make it quick. And keep that chair where it is, Lestrange, I don't like it when people who haven't bathed recently invade my personal space."

Rabastan (It was Rudolphus who married Bellatrix, wasn't it?) smiled as he moved his seat closer, ignoring Remus' growl of protest. "Excellent. You see Remus – I hope you don't mind me calling you Remus, it's just so much more personal - I, like many of my housemates have been very intrigued by you for quite a while. Oh, I know Gryffindors and Slytherins don't date each other but with the charity events coming up, I'm sure _something _could be done to make sure that I win a date with you," he said, his eyes running over Remus' body as he spoke.

Remus shivered in revulsion. "Look," he ground out. "In case you've forgotten, Lestrange, I happen to have a boyfriend – a boyfriend whom I happen to love. Besides, even if I wasn't dating Sirius, I still wouldn't be remotely interested in you. And don't call me Remus."

"You might say that now, Remus, but that's only because you haven't had the pleasure of a night with me," Lestrange murmured as he placed a hand on Remus' right leg. "Trust me," he said, squeezing the sandy-haired boy's leg for emphasis, "one night with me, and you'll forget all about Black."

"Shove off, Lestrange," Remus said in disgust as he jumped up from his seat and out of the older boy's grasp. He tossed his parchment and the books he'd checked out into his bag before storming out of the library. Remus made his way back to Gryffindor Tower, having given up on doing his homework in the library as long as Lestrange was there.

* * *

James sat on his four-poster bed, the curtains open, frowning in concentration as he tapped his wand on the parchment in front of him absently. The parchment appeared to be blank, but it was in fact the map he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had been working on for the past year and a half. It was nearly complete, and they'd managed to make it become both visible and invisible whenever they wanted. Unfortunately, the Marauders had yet to figure out how to set a password on the map so that it would only respond to them. If anyone else ever got their hands on it, they'd have no trouble figuring out exactly what it was and all of their hard work would go to waste as no one in their right mind would give up something this useful. That was why James' bed was covered in Charms books, and why he was beginning to fear they'd never be able to use their work of art.

Just as he was about ready to toss all the books he'd stolen from the library (He'd been banned from checking books out in fourth year after a nasty incident with a Defense Against the Dark Arts book and a transfigured cat with three tails. He didn't like to think about it.), the door to the dormitory burst open. James looked up in surprise as Sirius stormed into the room, his eyes flashing in anger. The dark haired boy practically growled as he ripped off his robes, not even bothering to acknowledge James' presence.

"Um, Sirius?" James asked, hesitantly as he stood up and approached his rampaging friend. "Why are you changing? I know classes are over, but it isn't even time for dinner yet."

"I'm taking a shower so I can wash that ugly bitch's germs off me," Sirius growled as he rummaged in his trunk, searching for a clean set of clothes.

"Which one?" James asked, his voice now filled with amusement. He knew who Sirius was referring to, but still wanted to toy with his friend. "There are at least five 'ugly bitches' in our year alone, so you'll have to be a bit more specific, mate."

"Danielle," Sirius muttered as he stood up, holding a pair of muggle jeans in one hand and a school shirt and robes in the other. "That _hag_ has been following me around all bloody day! She practically molested me in Arithmancy!"

"How'd she manage that?" James, who'd dropped the class after fifth year, questioned furrowing his brows in confusion. "I thought you and Alice were paired up in that class."

Sirius snorted in derision. "Apparently, the little bimbo convinced Vector that because I'm _so good _at Arithmancy, I should be forced to work with her since she's absolute bollocks at it and needs all the help she can get. Naturally, she started pawing at me as soon as she sat down, saying shit like 'Oh, Siri, I wish you'd give me another chance, I know I'd be able to give you more pleasure than you've ever experienced!'"

The combination of Sirius walking around the dorm in nothing but a pair of red and pink heart covered boxers while gesticulating angrily and propositioning himself in a falsetto voice was too much for James. He burst out in uncontrollable laughter. "Sorry mate," he gasped a moment later, attempting to catch his breath and stop laughing. "But you've got to admit that is pretty funny."

Sirius glared at his friend and said, "Oh yes, I can see how my being continuously hit on by a raving slut who won't take a bloody hint would give you such amusement."

"I can see it now," James said, chuckling as he returned the still blank map to his trunk. "Every time she sees you it'll be, 'Oh, Siri! Please take me, I'm desperate for your gorgeous mansex!'"

"And _what _would you know about my boyfriend's so-called 'gorgeous mansex', James? And why are you in your boxers, love?" came a sardonic and slightly amused voice from the door.

James and Sirius whipped around to face a smiling Remus, his eyebrows raised in question. James blushed in embarrassment and stuttered, "N-nothing, I just-"

Sirius took mercy on his friend. "I was just explaining to Prongs how much of a slut Danielle's being – nothing new, I know, but it's getting more annoying everyday. He was commiserating with me."

"I see," Remus said with a nod as he moved into the room and dropped his bag onto his bed. "Well in that case, James, I'll overlook you hitting on Sirius this time, but-"

James spluttered at that. "I was not hitting on him! I'm-"

"Still in denial, I know," Remus joked, dodging the pillow James threw at him. "You still haven't explained the boxers, Padfoot."

"I'm getting ready to take a shower, love. Didn't want to accidentally pass Danielle's slut-germs on to you," Sirius responded, kissing Remus lightly on the cheek before going into the en-suite bathroom.

* * *

Remus debated telling Sirius about the conversation he'd had with Rabastan Lestrange in the library, until the choice was taken out of his hands at dinner. He'd just settled into place beside Sirius, who absentmindedly wrapped an arm around his waist when Lestrange approached them, his long dark hair that bore a remarkable resemblance to Sirius' pulled back into a severe ponytail. He seemed to be trying to place a charming expression on his aristocratic features, but like most Slytherins, his face seemed to either scowl or look confused. Remus' hope that Lestrange, who was followed as usual by Theodore Nott, and Macnair (someone please tell me what his first name is – I know it'll bug me until I figure it out!), would walk right by them was dashed when Lestrange greeted him with a smooth, "Hello, Remus. Have you thought about what we discussed in the library?"

"Go away Lestrange," James said (Sirius simply glared) before Remus could respond. "We don't want your kind here."

"I believe I asked Remus a question, _Potter_." Lestrange answered with forced politeness. He sidled over to Remus' other side, where there was an empty spot and slid in next to him, placing a hand on the boy's thigh and ignoring Sirius' angered growl.

"Get your fucking hands off my boyfriend, Lestrange," Sirius snarled as he jumped up from his seat and whipped out his wand. James, Peter, Nott, and Macnair did the same as Remus pushed Rabastan away from him and stood up beside Sirius. He desperately hoped none of the teachers came over – the idea of having to serve a detention with the only Slytherins the Marauders hated as much as they did Severus Snape was not a pleasing one.

"Your answer, Remus?" Lestrange asked lazily, completely disregarding the others. Sirius' nostrils flared and he had to fight to keep from hexing the Slytherin – no one ignored Sirius, especially when he had a feeling they were trying to hit on _his_ boyfriend.

"My answer, Lestrange," Remus said as he glared at the older boy, "is just what it was two hours ago, and just what it will always be. No. I am not now, nor will I ever be, interested in a date with you."

"Well. We'll see about that," Lestrange said with a smirk, his eyes once again scanning Remus' body lasciviously.

A/N: And we have reached the end of yet another chapter. This, of course, is the part where ya'll tell me just how much you love or hate my fic as the case may be.


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